The Irony of Christmas
Today was one of those days, you know, those days that you feel too close to loosing the will. It wasn't anything too big, a few crazy teething poop diaper blow outs, an ant hill that ended up in Chloe's hair along with Claire's frustration with my inability to read her mind resulting in several bouts of sad/angry screaming. Then it was dinner time. Jared went to pour Chloe a cup of milk when I noticed that the milk was almost gone and we wouldn't get more until Thursday, wait Thursday, we pick up the veggies and milk on Thursday, today is Friday, nobody got the milk and veggies yesterday, it was this realization that pretty much threw me over the edge. So I did the only thing I had energy for, I locked myself in my room and went to facebook. Something so oddly numbing about that site, comforting and isolating all at once, it seemed an appropriate place for my pity party. I chatted with two of my rett mom friends (btw, so thankful for you guys, chatting helps, I do feel better). One of them said something interesting, about it being that hard time of the year. Her daughter is younger than Claire and this will be her first Christmas with the Rett syndrome diagnosis. Funny how holidays in general aren't easy. Add a kid who can't use their body and they get a lot harder. It got me thinking about the O'Rourke family, who laid their precious little Aidan to rest today. I hate that Rett syndrome takes children, I hate even more that it can happen during any period of time that is "supposed" to a time of joy and celebration. It is so hard to get excited about Santa at the mall and baking cookies when pain like this is so close to you. I know that none of that really has anything to do with Christmas and the birth of Christ, but it has become culturally accepted that that is what we do to celebrate. Tonight I am stuck on this great irony, that as we all slow down to celebrate the birth of the Christ child, a messenger of peace, that it is such a painful time for so many who have experienced loss. Ultimately, it is the peace that I have from the grace I have in Christ that gets me to keep putting one foot in front of the other on these hard days. I guess I just don't like that the way we go about celebrating so often excludes our girls because of their disability. I would love to hear what others out there is blogoshpere think, do you find it hard to celebrate, how do you do it?