Holy Emotional Rollercoaster Batman!
I think that I should start by saying that it has been quite a day. It began with a super giggly and happy set of girls that were ready to take on the day at 7am. We got Claire to school on time and Chloe and I were headed to the grocery store then to the park to play with her boyfriend Lucas and his super awesome mom. Of coarse nothing is that easy. Chloe threw a fit at the checkout just as the air kicked on and instantly I was in such pain from my Chrone's. I kept breathing and made it to the next moment only to find myself at the park. We were actually early (it was my one for the year) so I got out the snack trap for Chloe to eat her cereal from. She wasn't able to get her fingers in there to get the food, something she was able to do a week ago. Immediately I am worrying that she has Rett Syndrome and this is the start of the end. Then Lucas arrives, we put them on the swings and immediately Chloe is back to being a completely normal little girl, she even climbed up the slide before going down by herself. So I am stable for awhile, boring life as normal. On our way to get Claire from PT Chloe is chatting up a storm. Of coarse, the obvious reaction is to cry your eyes out when this happens. All I could think of is how sick I was when Claire was this age (really, really sick, temp. of 103 for a few months, Chrone's is so awesome!). I know that she babbled and had speech that was lost, but I remember very little of it. I gather myself together to go in for the end of PT. There is Claire, workin' it in a new gait trainer and loving it! Then her buddy Abby showed up and this is when things went into the realm of absolutely amazing. Abbey and Claire were in Music Together together back in the day. Abbey has gotten so much stronger and and just lit up as Claire walked over to see her. It was a moment that I would never have believed 2 years ago. It was the picture perfect therapy session! Claire came home grinning from ear to ear. The nanny comes, I run a few errands, nobody sleeps and now it is dinner time. Claire starts to vocalize so I run in and put her on the potty, which was apparently not what she was complaining about. She got so angry and was writhing with anger. I was so frustrated! I put her in her bed and told her that if she could calm down, I would turn on Dr. Seuss. It was then that I figured that she was upset because the audiobook that she was listening to finished without replaying, duh! She calmed, listened to the Fox with Socks came out to have lots of fun with dinner and even peed on the potty before getting into bed. With both of the girls down for the night I clocked out and it was time to work on our dinner. Earlier in the afternoon I had learned that a third angel this week was on her way to heaven. I chose to lay in bed and cry instead of cook dinner for Jared and I. This left me with the far less daunting task of takeout. As I drove I thought about it all. This is it! My life, my organic experience. Today encompassed the most pure joy as I watched both of my girls at different points in the day. I also was at a low as I sobbed in the middle of the day, trying not to think about how easily it could have been Claire that left too soon. Through it all the most amazing and truly beautiful part is that I was alive and felt through the whole thing. It might not be neat and pretty, but it is what God has given me, and I am grateful.