Today

Funny, I thought I was on the ragged edge of exhaustion and fighting back, forcing myself to rest so I can get back to being somebody who thinks in complete thoughts. Well, after last week I learned that it is possible to function, much, much more exhausted. I knew that I needed to rest going into last week because we had planned for Jared to go back to Arizona on Friday to see his mom who was fighting cancer in the hospital. Monday I was worried as I felt like I was getting sick, my throat was sore and my muscles ached. Then Jared got the call, he needed to get on a plane asap. We immediately changed gears, Jared flew to Arizona and made it to see his mom hours before she passed early Tuesday morning. If you'd like to read about her life please click here. I don't think I have ever cried like I did that night. The sadness was overwhelming, this was a very difficult loss. Still, the days go on. Jared came home, bleary eyed and attempted to go through the motions. Later in the day on Wednesday Claire developed a pnuemonia, secondary to aspirating because of her cold. Her fever spiked, her oxygen stats dropped, we did all the stuff we do when that happens and five days later she has just started to laugh again, her vibrant self is emerging from her tired body. We are preparing to drive to Arizona in 36 hours. Short of reserving a rental car and a hotel room, nothing has been done to prepare for that. I could be freaking out. I could be huddling in the corner, overwhelmed and fearful. But today, on our way home, I drove with the sunroof open, Imagine Dragons blasting, Chloe singing and Claire laughing. I have so much today. So much to enjoy, to savor, to fight for. So with that, I will leave you with this.