Dizzy

I'm a little less mad today than when I last wrote, now I'm just exhausted. We had a holiday weekend with nothing as exciting as seizures and vomiting at night, which I expected, so that was nice. I got some time with Claire, she was feeling good, her body allowed her to come out and be herself and I soaked up every minute of it. Yet still, I am exhausted, absolutely out of energy and it is the first day of spring break. On some level, it feels like I fell off the roller coaster of highs and lows. I didn't try to get off, I just couldn't hold on any more, so I let go, fell off and got bruised up in the process. Here I sit on the side, my body aches, my head is spinning and with the little energy I have, I am watching the roller coaster of life, some friends slowly going up the big climb, others in the free fall waiting for the swing up before a crash into the ground and all I can think about is how to get back on. I know I need the rest. I know I can't stay on a ride like that forever. I know that there is lots of goodness to be had with my feet on the ground or on the slow spin of a merry-go-round. I know that sooner or later it will be my turn again and I will be back into the troughs of the chaos of the ups and downs at warp speed. I know that all I have right now is today, so I am working on it. Rather, working on enjoying it, even if I am a dizzy.