Dear Chloe

Dear Chloe,
I am sorry I never got to your birthday post. The one where I post the pictures of the fun stuff you did last year, there were too many to chose from for it to be easy and honestly, I was tired and for that, I am sorry. I am sorry that you have to go to therapy and doctors appointments for Claire so often instead of playing dress up. You are an amazingly good sport about it all. To be three and waiting in a small doctors office for long periods of time is hard and you are amazing at it! I am sorry that you have to go to school five days a week for summer because your sister won't have school. I want you to know that it is only because I love you so much and I am trying to protect you. I know it is a bummer some times when Claire gets so much more attention but she requires it and I am doing the best that I can. I know it scares you when her brain doesn't work right and she shakes and stuff. I try to keep you from seeing it but I know you do. I know it is all really hard and I also know that it is going to be alright. Do you know how I know that? Today at nap time, before Claire fell asleep you climbed into her bed with a little egg shaker and snuggled up to her. You were so loving, showing her how to wrap her fingers around it and how to shake her arm to make it work. I know that you are going to be alright in that you have lived through things that are harder than than they should have been. That with that you have known joy and love on deeper levels than many. Not just the thrill of jumping off your bed, three feet through the air and landing in a somersault. Also the joy of feeling loved by your sister, because she stuck her arm out in the car to hold your hand when you were sad. Thank you Chloe, for being the bright smiling little girl that you are. Just when I think that things are too hard and that I might not make it, I see you in the smallest and most inspiring selfless acts and it shifts my heart. I will keep trying. I am confident that every little nook and cranny of each day that you can find to squeeze in a little fun and excitement you will and I will try better to help out with that. I love you to the moon and back kiddo! Mom