I had this really great post that I started to write about our morning. Between the excitement of her new Hello Kitty swag and that we had obliged to listen to Justin Bieber this morning at breakfast, Claire was over the top excited. So excited that she had a crazy episode, her body overcome with dystonia for a few minutes. While she was gone, she was not out. She fought it and came out of it fairly quickly. After recovering for a few minutes she snapped back into her body, she was even more present than before the episode. Chloe was trying out some new shoes, running in circles and Claire's pure voice came out, she said "yeah" and laughed so hard. I looked at Jared, smiled and remarked that as great as it was, it feels like we have to play with fire to get there. I have a lot more that I want to say about this. It's a pretty big deal. I thought about it as I took the girls to school and enjoyed my morning cappuccino. I tried to write but the emotions were just greater than the words. So I gave up and went for a walk. Lucky for me, when I leave the place where I get coffee and take a walk, I end up sitting on a bench here.
You would think that with this to soak in I could sit and clear my mind, but no. My thoughts were loud and unorganized. I tried to slow down and sort them out but I couldn't. The best that I can figure out is that this is a result of fatigue from a lot of emotion. I keep trying to rest up but the emotional fatigue seems to outpace my ability to sleep. After about 30 minutes I was able to slow down a bit, the noise in my head was more manageable but not enough to think straight. So I opted to walk some more and I ended up on a beach. I have been spending a lot more time here lately. Today the tide was out a little further so I thought I would go take some pictures to send to Jared, kinda my way of saying thank you for being at your job, I love the life that it provides us. While I was poking around, looking for a big open anemone a miracle occurred, I stopped thinking. It normally takes me a lot of work to get my mind to stop but it just did, all on it's own. Perhaps it was being enveloped by the salty ocean air in the gentle breeze or the sound of the waves, slowly rolling in. Regardless of what it was, it was indeed lovely.I was happy to be able to snap this pic to send to Captain Awesome as my thank you of sorts.
I wish that I could go on to write about the amazing clarity that I then experienced as I stood there watching the surf. The only thought that I had was, that's why we call him Captain Awesome, Jared was right. Jared has always loved tide pools. I never got it. It's not that I didn't like them. I have looked at them before. I have enjoyed them before but until today I never experienced what I can best describe is their surreal calmness. They were like poetry without words. In a sense it was art, so much emotion was conveyed but not in a way that was limited by language, it truly was the release that my soul needed. I still don't know what to do with the whole issue of my life feeling like I am always playing with fire, but at least I know where I can go to get a break from it.