We are here.
Funny how easy it is to wind up somewhere and not really think of how it was that you got there. Over the last few weeks I have been going through an identity crisis of sorts. I know this is normal for those in the mommyhood but it still has my head spinning in all sorts of directions. Earlier this week I had the privilege of a time warp of sorts and it really stirred my thoughts a bit. It started on Saturday night. Jared and I went out to see one of our favorite bands since they were playing so close to where we live. In recent years I remember enjoying their shows if for nothing more than a 90 minute break from the harsh reality of life. It was a form of loud music therapy for me, in a way it just blasted all the excess crap that I would never have time to process out of me. Life is seeming less harsh at the moment and I think that helped me to enjoy the show even more than I had in the past. This being the case, I took the opportunity to go see them again on Monday up in San Francisco. That is when I was thrown into the time warp of remembering 10 years ago. Captain Awesome was happy to stay home and get caught up on life so I got to go with a new friend that I was eager to talk with and learn more about. It happens that she is 8 years younger than me and also newly married. As she shared stories about her life and the adventures of being married it took me back. I had completely forgotten that years ago I lived a completely different life. It took me back to all the plans that we had. How we desperately wanted to not live in Arizona. California sounded good but we were sure that we could never afford it. I dreamed of going to culinary school and working as a professional cook. I worked at a bank and wore fancy dress up type clothes almost every day. We lounged around on weekends and went out to eat a lot. It was surreal to talk about our life of years past. I was snapped out of the dreamlike thought once we got up to the city where I miraculously did not get lost and quickly found great parking. Soon the show started. The band was playing an album that they had released 10 years ago in its entirety. Since I have kids now I don't often listen to grown up music, more or less an entire album, so it had been a while since I had heard some of the songs. It is amazing how you can hear a song that you haven't heard in a while and it can transport you back in time. In the light of what life looked like back then, it really is amazing that we have ended up where we are. Yet I don't think that we could be in a more perfect spot. It certainly was not the dream but I am in awe that it is better than what I could have come up with. It makes me wonder, what plans do I have for the next 10 years. Certainly life will happen and they will evolve as we go. Maybe there really will be a research breakthrough and Claire will be better able to use her body, maybe there won't be. Maybe we will completely loose our minds and move to another country all together. Who knows, I don't. Isn't that the point though? To soak it in as you go, not taking any part of it for granted. I am trying to soak it all in. Today being thankful for new friends and old music to help me see where we have come from and inspire me to hope that it is very likely the future will be better than I can even dream of.